Wow! I can’t believe that March is over, and we are on now in April! March was a crazy busy month with life, family and the podcast! What are you looking forward to celebrating in ApriI?
Questions from the Community:
What does the “feminist” in you thinks about an SMC journey. Is it a conflict to both celebrate the achievement to be able to have babies (almost) independent of men and to have to do the care work all by yourself (including organizing help)?
-SMC from Norway, mom to a 2.5-year-old
Hey SMC from Norway! Thank you for your question. I’m happy to share my version of feminism with you. These three resources that have helped shape my views:
To me, feminism isn’t just about work. It’s about breaking down barriers that prevent people from having choices. So as a feminist, I believe that becoming a single mother by choice is one valid choice among many others. As with any choice we all do the best we can to do our research but there will still be a lot we can’t anticipate so being flexible has been my thinking going into motherhood.
I’ve always known that I wanted to be a mother, but I assumed it would happen within the confines of a traditional marriage. When I got married, I found myself stuck in a role that my husband had predetermined for me: doing all the domestic duties, managing the household bills, meeting his sexual needs, and being the primary caregiver for our future children. When I considered the possibility of becoming a single mother by choice, I realized that the care work I would be obligated to do would be reduced by 3/4.
Being a single mother by choice can feel overwhelming at times, and for me it’s normal to feel both happy and exhausted every day. I find that simplifying my life and taking time alone have made a huge difference. For example, I limit our family’s social activities to one thing per weekend, and my children participate in just one extracurricular activity. I make sure that the support I pay for, like daycare and aftercare, is provided by our local community center so that everything is in one place, and I get to socialize with other adults.
Having passed the 2.5yr stage I can tell you that you are in the thick of toddlerhood which is just hard. Toddlers want to just go and do; they can’t yet be reasoned with and don’t have language skills yet. Feeling overwhelmed and stressed is normal. Can you find another SMC mom or any mom and set up a playdate for the kids. When my children were going through this stage playdates felt like sharing the load with other parents.
I hope this perspective helps! Remember, there’s no one right way to be a single mother by choice. There are no rules, the most important thing for me was to find routines and practices that worked for my family. Set aside societal expectations and ask yourself: what would make my life easier? And then do that thing.
Do YOU have a question you’d like to have me answer? Send it to aisha@starttofinishmotherhood.com
Member Spotlight:
Thank you all for supporting the podcast and for the love you’ve extended my way. Mark your calendars for these upcoming events and episodes:
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- April 3: I will be live on Instagram with Sophia from The Maiden Myth podcast at 6pm PST/8pm CST. Where I will discuss my Single Mother by Choice lifestyle.
- April 11 – 17: Black Maternal Health Week I will be attending this event series consider registering and join me.
- May 10: I have a wonderful Mother’s Day episode featuring my friend and Esri Chief Scientist Dr. Dawn Wright
- June 14: I recorded an honest and fun Father’s Day episode featuring my friend and co-founder of our non-profit NorthStar Clinton Johnson
Do you have any wins that you’d like to share? If so send me an email at aisha@starttofinishmotherhood.com or pop into my DMs on Instagram @starttofinishmotherhood.
New Arrivals:
What were your thoughts about these latest podcast episodes:
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- (Parts 1 and 2) On Shooting for the Stars as an SMC parenting with a Disability w/ Denna
- On Choosing A Sperm Donor
- On Making Mommy Friends w/ Vikki
- On Ending the SMC Journey and Moving on w/ Rahmah
- (Part 1) On Planning for a Summer Abroad w/ Jas
Did I mention that I was a guest on The Maiden Myth podcast? It was a lot of fun you can listen here.
Oh, and if you want to see videos of the podcast check out the STFM YouTube Channel and look for the episodes with *Video* in the title.
Don’t forget to hit that subscribe button on our Start to Finish Motherhood YouTube channel, so you don’t miss any of our upcoming video episodes.
Do you have any announcements you’d like to share? If so, please message me at aisha@starttofinishmotherhood.com.
Start to Finish Motherhood’s (STFM) Monthly Updates:
I have been in the studio recording more insightful and thought-provoking podcast episodes I think you’ll enjoy. I can’t wait for you to hear next month’s episodes on parenting, building community and IVF abroad and more. If you have episode ideas, please send them my way.
The subscription site is LIVE check it out here! Membership will grant you access to premium videos, podcast outtakes, monthly community round ups and much more!
Aisha’s Personal Update:
Spring is in full swing here in the US, and the girls and I are thrilled to dive headfirst into gardening season as we look forward to the summer months ahead! You can read all about our exciting plans in my latest blog post. Spending quality time together as a family, surrounded by nature, has always been a top priority for me. That’s why we’re so excited to get our hands dirty in the garden this year, and I get to teach my little ones about the delicate balance of the ecosystem and their role in it. My girls are eager to grow their favorite fruits and veggies like watermelon, broccoli, lettuce, and blueberries, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to help them make it happen. Gardening has brought so much joy into our lives, and it’s the perfect excuse to unplug and enjoy each other’s company in the great outdoors. Let the planting begin!
Until Next Time!
Thanks, and bye for now.
Aisha
